DOMESTIC AND FAMILY VIOLENCE

Domestic and family violence is any act of violence that occur in domestic settings between family members or carers. It includes physical, sexual, emotional, psychological and financial abuse.

Domestic and family violence can also happen in any relationship, hetero or same-sex, including with:

• Husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and partners
• Ex-husbands, ex-wives, ex-partners, ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends
• Parents, step-parents, guardians, brothers or sisters
• Careers or foster parents

Domestic and family violence can happen to anyone. It occurs in all nationalities, races, religions, social backgrounds, sexualities and genders. It can be experienced by people with a lot of money or those living in poverty, by people who are in an intimate relationship and those who are not. However, women and children are overwhelmingly the victims of domestic and family violence and those who use violence are overwhelmingly male. People belonging to certain groups or communities may experience higher rates of domestic and family violence than others. Affected people may include:

• Pregnant women
• Separated women
• People with disability
• Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples
• People from Culturally and Linguistically Diverse (CALD) backgrounds
• Older people
• People who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or intersex (LGBTQI+)
• Women living in areas that have recently been affected by disaster

Domestic and family violence can take many forms, including:

• Physical violence
• Sexual violence
• Psychological and emotional violence
• Financial violence
• Spiritual violence
• Social violence
• Legal violence
• Reproductive violence
• Neglect
• Stalking

Domestic and family violence can have many impacts on children and young people who experience it. These include:

• ongoing anxiety and depression
• emotional distress
• eating and sleeping disturbances
• physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach aches
• find it hard to manage stress
• low self-esteem
• be aggressive towards friends and school mates
• feel guilt or blame themselves for the violence
• have trouble forming positive relationships
• develop phobias and insomnia
• struggle with going to school and doing school work
• use bullying behaviour or become a target of bullying
• difficulty concentrating
• find it hard to solve problems
• have less empathy and caring for others

People experiencing domestic or family violence may:

• Suddenly stop going out with no reason
• Worry a lot about making a particular person angry
• Make a lot of excuses for someone's negative behaviour
• Have marks or injuries on their body that can't be explained
• Stop spending time with friends and family
• Seem scared or wary around a particular person
• Seem worried that they are being watched, followed or controlled in some way.

A person whose behaviour is violent or abusive may:

• Act in ways that make the other person scared
• Put the other person down all the time
• Make threats to hurt another person

They might control:

• Where someone goes
• Who they see and speak to
• What happens to their money
• How and when they can use their phone, car, or computer
• Have a lot of rules about how the other person is allowed to behave
• Get very angry when the other person doesn't follow these rules

It is OK to say something if someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence. There are some simple things you can do to help, including believing them and taking their fears seriously. Remember that domestic and family violence is not just physical — it can also be emotional, financial, spiritual, social, legal, reproductive, and can include stalking and neglect.

Finding out that someone you know is being hurt is always hard. Perhaps you want to help but don't know what to do. The good news is that there are simple things you can do that can make a big difference.

When someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence the way you talk and listen to them makes all the difference. You may be worried about doing the wrong thing, but it is important to know that it is OK to say something. Many people are glad to have the chance to talk about what they are going through.

When someone is experiencing violence they often feel trapped and out of control. These feelings can be made worse if you try to force them to do what you think is best. It is very important that people are supported to make their own choices, as they are ready.

• Believe them and take their fears seriously. This is important no matter what you think of the person or people who hurt them
• Listen without interrupting or judging
• Never blame the person experiencing the violence for what has happened to them. Violence is never OK
• Don’t make excuses for the person who has hurt them
• Understand that they may not be ready or it may not be safe to leave. Don’t try to force them to do what you think is best
• Remember that domestic and family violence is not just physical
• Help in practical ways—with transport, appointments, child minding, or a place to escape to